When I got up to give my talk, Evee gave me the biggest, and cutest grins. It was wonderful. She was also distracting, though. I couldn't look over at her for she would smile and "wave" at me, making me almost forget what I was saying.
Here's my talk, it was on teaching in the home:
I was asked to give a talk based on a
Sunday School lesson that is in the new youth curriculum.
The Lesson focuses on Learning and
Teaching in the home.
In order to encourage learning and
teaching in the home, we need to make an atmosphere that is conducive
to learning.
One of my favorite scriptures, which is
found quoted on the wall of the Kirtland Visitor's center, is D&C
109:8
Establish a house, even a house of
prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a
house of glory, a house of order, a house of God
This revelation was first given
referring to building a temple, but it also pertains to the individual
families of establishing a home to be like a temple. We should
pattern our homes in spirit like the temple. There should be
reverence, respect, patience, love. There should be peace and
calmness. Now I am not suggesting that our homes always be quiet and
spotless, but we do need to create order. Our homes should not always
be blaring with loud media, and we should be careful to not be
rushing from one activity to another, leaving the home to be a
central station of passing and going.
He then went on to give us five suggestions for stronger families.
First Elder Perry suggested that parents pray, asking our Heavenly Father to help them love, understand, and guide the children He sent to them.
It has been my experience that whenever I have had a problem or difficulty with a child, regardless of how unworthy or insignificant that I feel I am or the problem is, God has always answered me when I have asked. He loves these children even more than we do.
Praying earnestly to our Heavenly Father also allows us to remain focused on doing God's will, to follow His example, to show willingness to obey Him, to love these children as He does. We should follow our Lord's example by guiding our families with humility and kindness rather than with force or cruelty. We must lead and teach them by persuasion, gentleness, meekness, love, and kindness.
President Benson wrote, “ children need to know and feel they are loved, wanted, and appreciated. They need to be assured of that often. Obviously, this is a role parents should fill”
It has been my experience that when I have focused on giving my children an outpouring of love rather than criticism, they have chosen, on their own accord, to make more obedient choices, and while doing so they have had loving attitudes, making the home more pleasant.
Last night while putting the boys to bed, Todd went to the younger two boys' room and told them a couple of stories. Afterwards Todd came downstairs, and behind him came Grant, wanting Todd to read them a story. Grant did not present this wish in a pleasant way. As Todd carried Grant back up the stairs, I thought for sure that there would be much yelling and gnashing of teeth. Instead Todd came back downstairs 15 minutes later, having read to them a story and having a loving night farewell.
There have been many times that I have allowed myself to be annoyed or frustrated, or putting what other's would think of me as a mother, before what was really important. I am not saying to not establish boundaries, but rather to be mindful of loving our children, even when and especially when they do something wrong. When Adam transgressed the law by partaking the fruit, God did not withhold love from him, nor criticized him. He issued the consequence with love.
Elder Perry's second suggestion is “to hold family prayer, scripture study, and family home evenings. To eat together as often as possible, making dinner a time of communication and the teaching of values.”
When Mikey was a baby, he could spend a long time in his high chair eating. At the time I considered this a blessing for I was finishing up my Bachelor's and used this time to do schoolwork. That is until I heard someone make the observation that meal time for babies is a very social time for them. Not wanting to miss out on this special time with my first baby, I put away my books and focused on making mealtimes a time for interaction.
I had my four boys in four years. Having so many small children and toddlers at once was overwhelming, but one thing that really helped me was our mealtimes. I discovered that when I gave the boys plenty of attention and conversation during meals, they were happy and satisfied to play among themselves, requiring little attention from me. By the time they started feeling the need for more attention, it was time for the next meal.
During these family activities of FHE, family prayer, family scripture reading, family dinner, we are able to create and strengthen bonds, we are able to have gospel discussions, we are able to express our love and joy in our children.
Elder Perry's third suggestion was to utilize the church's network. He encourages parents to talk to their children’s teachers and leaders so that the parents can provide understanding of a child's special and specific needs.
When Todd and I were first married, I was called to be a Primary teacher. Not knowing anyone in the ward, and wanting to know the kids in my class, I decided to visit each child along with a parent in their home. As I met with one girl's mother, I was surprised when the mother got emotional with my coming over. She expressed that her daughter was a wonderful girl, but had some differences and difficulties that caused many to pass over her or ignore her. I was grateful for this experience for it allowed me to see this precious daughter of God in a light that I would not been able to see as clearly, and the things her mother shared with me prepared me to teach to this girl more effectively.
Another suggestion of Elder Perry is to “organize our families based on clear, simple family rules and expectations, wholesome family traditions and rituals, and 'family economics', where children have household responsibilities”
Though I performed duties and chores as a child, I am sad to say that I did not help out around the house as much as I got older. I was heavily involved in the academic, athletic, and social scenes of high school. Because of this, I was home very infrequently during daylight hours. I was then “excused” from most household duties. I look back at this with regret for the attitude I created. I saw my life, my academics, my extracurricular activities as top priorities. I saw the needs of me, the individual, higher than the needs of the entire family. Unfortunately I see that this happens very frequently today in many families.
President Benson wrote, “Children must be taught to work at home. They should learn there that honest labor develops dignity and self-respect. They should learn the pleasure of work, of doing a job well.”
Contrary to the thoughts I had as a young child, that my parents had me just so that I can be their servant, getting children to help out at times can be difficult, slow, and even messy. But the lessons of learning to work, is worth the investment.
Elder Perry suggested that “parents can share their testimonies often with their children, commit them to keep the commandments of God, and promise the blessings that our Heavenly Father promises His faithful children.”
Mosiah 4:14-15 reads:
Ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil....But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.
The most important teachings are Spiritual. Our children need to hear us bare our testimonies, not just in testimony meeting, but at mealtimes, at FHE, at home, in the car. During these times we can commit our children to follow God's commandments, and we can share with them the promises of God to His faithful children.
When children hear of the Beatitudes, because of their faith, they are able to easily understand and accept these promises. When they hear of God's promise found often in the Book of Mormon that if we will keep the commandments of God, we will prosper in the land, they will believe it and give heed to it.
Their understanding is not a naïve understanding, but rather one that is more perfectly in tune with understanding God than the rest of us are at times.
I have been able to see the truthfulness of this firsthand
This week our family was reading in Alma 36. Verse 3 states:
Whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.
After we read this scripture, I asked the boys the meaning of this scripture. My boys were and are able to understand God's promises that He will not necessarily take away our trials, but that He will help us during them.
I was then able to bear testimony to the boys the truthfulness of this promise. Evelyn has had to endure many trials of health and our family has had to endure many difficult days. This left many adults wondering and even questioning God's power and existence. Though there were some really tough moments, moments that I wondered just how much we had to endure, I never felt abandoned by the Lord. Children can understand God's promises and because of their faith, they can more readily rely on and receive God's promised blessings.
This lesson of Teaching in the Home was intended for the youth, the 12-18 year olds. As I sat in our class last week, the question occurred to me of why would the church have a lesson for teenagers on how to be a parent? This is because this lesson is not just for parents. This lesson is for teenagers, it is for prospective parents, it is for parents with young children, parents with older children, it is for empty nesters, it is for people who have never been a parent or may never be a parent.
It is not only about teaching our own children, but about teaching the children around us, about teaching the adults around us, about teaching ourselves – teaching ourselves to become more valiant sons and daughters of our loving Heavenly Father for when we have to teach others, we will hold ourselves to a higher standard.
When I was a young teenager, I overheard a careless remark of “Whatever you do as a child, your children will do”. Though there was not much thought in the saying of this comment, it gave me a lot of motivation during my formative years. There were times, situations, or standards that I was not particularly willing to keep for myself, but I kept them for I was willing to keep for my future children. As I grew and developed, my character was strengthened as I kept God's commandments more diligently and my testimony grew.
In order to share our testimonies, we must have one. Before we can commit our children to keep the commandments of God, we must keep them ourselves. The best way we can teach our children about the Gospel of Christ, is to live it ourselves. May we strive to Live it diligently, live it sincerely, live it with conviction, live it with faith. Then, we may have the privilege of one day hearing our children saying what the Strippling Warriors said in, “We do not doubt our mothers (and/or fathers) knew it”.
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