38 Weeks

Well, I'm at the final stretch, so I thought I'd jot down some of my thoughts.
This pregnancy has been long...yet still seems very short. I can't believe that in about 2 weeks I'll be having a newborn baby in my arms. I am so excited to meet little Evelyn, am feeling very short on patience to see her. But, I am starting to get nervous about the delivery.
As for tradition, I read Grant's birth story to him on his birthday. Reading it made me remember how painful childbirth really is. I have not prepared myself at all, and I know that it is going to hurt. As scared and nervous as I am, I also know myself. Before any big race, anything that will be hard, I psych myself out. I focus on how hard/painful it will be, then I step up to it knowing that it won't be easy. For me that is how I can do these challenging things, so I know that the anxiety and unsure of myself that I am feeling is my own way of subconsciously preparing myself for a hard challenge.
I have been feeling incredibly uncomfortable. I have a very disproportionate body and holding up this belly has not been easy, and my feet have been swelling and aching terribly. Sleeping has not been easy, Todd makes fun of me for being surrounded by pillows, but I need them to help support my body.
For the last few weeks, I have been totally willing to go into labor in order to not be so uncomfortable, but the last several days I have crossed some sort of bridge and am not that uncomfortable anymore. I don't have such a need to get this baby out as I did before. The same thing happened when I was pregnant with Grant. At about 3 weeks before his due date I was nervous for I was feeling like I could go into labor any minute, then it got to be the week before my due date and I was feeling like I could be pregnant for another month. Well, now I've got two weeks before my due date and I am feeling pretty good...except for I do feel exhausted, it's difficult to move around, difficult to bend over, and I am more easily agitated by my kids (code word- Bad Mom).
So, I guess you could say that I am wanting/desiring/excited to have this baby. Wouldn't mind at all if she came tomorrow. But I do have to be realistic. I have never gone early. Never. The earliest I have gone is my due date, and my last baby was a week late. This time around I have been insistent to not believe the whole "you're 36 weeks, you can go any day now" for I usually find myself getting so frustrated with this belief for it has and never will happen for me. So, two more weeks means at least two more weeks.
But, I have been looking on the brightside. I get to feel my baby in my stomach for two more weeks. I get to be the only princess in my house for two more weeks. Plus, now all the attention is on me and how I am feeling, once the baby is born, the attention is going to be on the baby and how cute she is.