Easter Celebrations

When we got back from Utah, we were all very excited to see Evelyn.

But the reality of how life is with a child in a hospital 45 minutes away, has taken it's toll.
I see Evelyn all that I can, and try to not ever miss a day. I really am thrilled with how she is doing, she is so healthy now, but still sad that she can't be with us.  I have been in the situation that she was at the hospital not doing well, so when I am asked how she is doing, I answer very positively, for that is the truth. I will take it like this rather than how it was. Though her good health does ease the pain that comes from being separated from my baby, it doesn't take it away completely. It is incredibly frustrating that all that stands between our girl being home with our family is just paperwork.

When I am home I miss my girl a lot. It gets very hard to not have her with me. I miss her sleeping in our home.

I miss getting her dressed in the morning. I miss not having her kicking in her bouncer on the kitchen counter while I prepare meals. My thoughts are constantly on her, my heart feels as though a part of it is missing. My arms physically ache to have her in them. I am only beginning to understand (though I in no way can completely understand) how mothers that have lost their children feel. Fortunately for me, I can still hold her, I am only separated by a 45 minute drive.

Todd has been very helpful and supportive of me visiting Evelyn. When Todd is working, I will take the boys with me to the hospital and do homeschool there. When Todd is at home we will either all go see Evelyn or he will stay with the boys while I go by myself. I prefer all of us going, but it can be difficult for the boys to stay contained in such a tiny hospital room day after day.

On Easter Sunday Todd was able to go to church with us. Usually he goes to another congregation for he has some church duties to perform, but this Sunday he was able to be with us. During Sacrament meeting I reflected on how nice it was to have Todd with us, but at the same time, this made me blatantly aware of the hole that was in my heart. Our family was almost all there, but we were still missing our Evee.

Because of the stresses we have had since December, we have not celebrated holidays too much. If it wasn't for my mom, the boys may not have been aware of the passing of Valentine's Day nor St. Patrick's Day.
With Easter approaching, Todd emphasized that he wanted us to have a good Easter celebration. I understood his reasoning, but all I desired was to be with Evee. Since we were going to be spending Easter morning at church, I did not want to stay home for the evening just so we could have a nice dinner. Plus, I was feeling a little short on time and energy. I had been only going to any activities or commitments that we had at home (plus sleeping at night) but the rest of the time I wanted to be at the hospital. Shopping and any kind of preparing that was more than simple seemed daunting and I would rather spend my time at the hospital.
But, Todd was able to convince me and we were able to make a good compromise. It did help that several days prior to Easter, we had gotten permission to take Evee out of her room and off of the floor.

 Of course we had to take a big bag of supplies and an oxygen tank with us,

but I cannot describe how freeing it felt to take her out of her hospital room and off of the floor, even if it was just to go downstairs.

Because of this new allowance, we decided that we could have a nice Easter dinner that included Evelyn. Saturday evening I cooked a ham, mashed potatoes, cooked carrots, made gravy, and prepared dough for rolls. I cooked everything, except the rolls, and put the food in microwavable containers. Sunday morning I cooked the rolls, and got out the table cloth and the paper plates.
Easter was wonderful. That morning the Easter Bunny visited our house (he usually visits the day before since I rather use the Sabbath to focus on Christ, but you work with what you have). The younger two boys got some new shoes, since they had out-grown theirs, and the older two boys got suits since they had out grown and over-used their old ones. They also got to find some candy-filled eggs. The biggest surprise of all was when Grant did not freak out during the entire hunt!!! I was really glad we did the Easter gifts, especially when I heard Grant saying, "I use to not know the Easter Bunny was real, but now I know he IS real!"
Roger realized this year that the Easter Bunny is not real. He said something about not thinking that a bunny could do all this. I took him into another room and told him the truth, but told him to not necessarily tell his brothers. I'm not sure how I feel about the entire Easter Bunny thing. I think it is all fun and has a "magic" to it, but I do not like to put a lot of emphasis on it. I can see how some children would one day find out the truth on such things like the Easter Bunny, but then also question other things and beliefs that can seem unbelievable, such as a belief in God. I know that these are two separate things, and I do believe that there are testimonies and conversions associated with the belief in God. But I am a little leery of telling my kids untruths. 
On the way to church, Todd told the boys that all the little girls would be wearing new dresses, so to be sure to compliment them. As we were walking into church Mikey passed a long-time friend that is his age and complimented her on her dress. Of course her dad looked at Todd with a confused look on his face - or maybe it was a concerned look.
We had some great lessons taught at church, and heard some beautiful music. After church, we rushed home, had the kids change, packed up the food and left for the hospital.
It was so good to see Evelyn. She always greets us with a big smile, usually while she is tapping her hand on her bed or belly.
The nurses had dressed her in her prettiest dress that we had left at the hospital, and even though it was beautiful, we had brought her an Easter dress to wear.
In the words of Todd, "Easter is for little girls to wear beautiful dresses". (I think he thoroughly enjoys having a girl)

Todd's mom had gotten this dress for Evee to be her Christmas dress. Yes, she wore it then, but it works even better for Easter.
After getting Evee all dressed up, we took all our stuff to the Atrium (the cafeteria).

While Todd took the food to the microwave, I prepared the table. I washed it off, then put the tablecloth on. The boys helped me set the table and get water cups. Within 15 minutes, we had our own table set up, with food on it, ready to thank our Heavenly Father in prayer for our many blessings, especially the blessings of the Atonement and Resurrection of His Son.

It felt so good to look around the table and to have my children surrounding me.

I brought down baby food for Evee, so she got to eat as well. It was so good. I felt so happy, so blessed.
After dinner, and walking around the common areas of the hospital, we spent the rest of the evening hanging out in Evee's room. I had brought some frosting and Graham crackers for the boys to make a dessert/snack.

And we did take a little much-needed nap.

One of my favorite Easter celebrations ever.