An Announcement

In case you haven't seen me recently, this may come as a shock. If you have, then, no, it won't.

We are having another Baby!!!!

I am currently 18 weeks along, due at the end of September (but since my last two babies have been 10 days late, I'm planning on around October 6th).

I fully realize this all sounds very crazy, I really do. But we are excited about our new addition. In fact, though it may even be more of a surprise, we actually planned on this baby.

What? That is right, we tried to get pregnant - no accidents here.

Let me share my experience with you. This is a very personal, and to me spiritual, experience, but I feel that it is a special one that I want this baby to know about some day.

When we had Evelyn, to say we were over-whelmed would be an understatement. All I wanted to do was to have the normal "I just had a baby; therefore I am just going to stay at home" peace time. We did not get that. Evelyn had too many health complications, too many doctor's appointments, too many therapy sessions. We had some peaceful days, some peaceful moments, but those were few and far inbetween. If I wasn't busy with appointments, I was worried sick that Evee would quit breathing.

Before Evee was born, Todd and I had discussed our family planning. We wanted to have another baby fairly soon after Evee would be born. Once she was born and we were faced with reality, we both looked at eachother and said, "I think we better wait several years".

A couple of months after Evee was born, I had a dream. I hated to admit it to myself, but I knew what the dream meant, I was to have another baby, and soon. I tried to ignore it. Blame it on being overly tired. I tried to ignore the overall feeling that I had that we needed to have another baby. I definately did not mention this dream or my feelings to Todd. I admit it, I was too scared. I did not want it to be my reality.

Several weeks later, Todd said to me one evening, "I can't help to get over the fact that I feel like we should have another baby." This shocked and scared me. I almost wished he hadn't said it outloud, for until then I could ignore my own personal feelings and inspirations as just crazy. I got honest with him and told him that I had been feeling the same, but that I was scared. I was overwhelmed, I was exhausted.

I worried that Evee wouldn't get the attention she would need, or that this new baby wouldn't get enough attention. I worried about my older kids and if this would take away from them. I worried about my energy, and honestly, Evee's pregnancy was hard, I was not excited with the idea of doing that again. When I looked at all of those worries, I felt peace in the fact that all would be okay, that I would be able to handle the challenge, that I would have enough strength, and that all of my children would get their needs met, that the Lord would meet my shortcomings and make up for them.

Then what was my biggest hold-up? I was nervous about how this would affect me socially. I'm usually not one that puts a lot of emphasis on what people think, but I knew that this would be considered highly irrational. Six kids is a lot of kids, but it is especially a lot when one is Special Needs.

I have gotten a lot of help and support from my friends and members of my church. I cannot adequately describe what service has been performed for me, what support and love I have felt. I felt that people understood that I was trying the best I could with a difficult situation. But in some ways, it was a situation that happened to me, not one I chose.

As sophmoric as it sounds (and is) I was nervous that all these wonderful people would change their attitude of me. That they no longer would be loving and supportive of me, but rahter would roll their eyes and be annoyed by me. "Whoever would think of adding another baby at this time?" is what I imagined would be said. I felt that I would loose all credibility. I would be outcasted, the "project" that people avoid or help with a fake grin and friendship.

Todd and I prayed about the decision at hand. I felt very up and down. Moments that I was sure that we were to have another baby, followed by moments that I wasn't exactly convinced.

About a week later we had our worldwide church Conference, where the Prophet and Apostles speak to the members of the church. I went into watching this, kknwoing that I would find the answer to my question.

And I did. I just didn't realize it would come so strongly.

President Henry Eyring spoke about trusting God. He spoke about putting our trust in God's timetable, and not our own. Putting our trust in pleasing the Lord rather than pleasing man.  Tears flowed from my eyes as I recognized God's will for me and for my family.

With this, my attitude changed and Todd and I tuned our hearts and prepared ourselves for another sweet spirit to be sent into our home.