Ten Years

A year ago, I had a friend whose timeline was similar to mine now in the fact that her husband was ending Residency soon and they were celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary. In celebration of these wonderful events, they took a nice, week-long cruise while leaving their four children with Grandma.
She told me about the plans, and afterwards about the details, all while we took breaks from swimming laps in the pool at 5 AM. I wondered what it would be like, to have a vacation with just my husband. I decided for myself that I would be doing the same thing in a year. I was pregnant with Evelyn, but figured she would be about 10-11 months by now, so I would be able to leave her with my mom care for her and her 4 brothers.

Obviously this last year has not been what I originally expected.
In all honesty, it has been hard, it has been tiring, it has been emotional.
But it has not all been terrible.

I originally had looked at the year 2013 as a big celebratory year. I was turning 30, Todd was going to get done with Residency, we were celebrating our 10th Wedding anniversary, and my mom was even going to take Todd and I on a trip to Jerusalem in celebration of Todd's accomplishment of finishing Residency. This year was going to be the end of "hard times" and the beginning of an easier life.

The reality has been/will be:

• I celebrated my birthday in a hospital with a baby not doing well, 
• Todd will get done with Residency, thankfully he will be making more money, but he will be working a lot for he is the low man on the totem pole
• We are not going on any trips or get-aways for our anniversary
• And obviously, Jerusalem is out of the picture.

I hear of my friends going on great and romantic getaways and I do have a tinge of jealousy. In truth, I am sad about not being able to get away with just Todd. How I would love to spend several lazy days just soaking him and the sun up. I would love to spend an entire day in bed, I would love to not have to be constantly aware of someone else and their needs. I would love to have a conversation with my husband and not have any interruptions by a small voice or a mucus filled trach, nor strive to stay awake when I can barely keep my eyes open, just so that I can have a good laugh or cry with my husband.

There have been changes in our lives since Evelyn's arrival last summer, but they haven't all been bad. I have seen my children have such unconditional love and compassion for their sister and grow in the depth of their character. I have seen friends, relatives, church members, community citizens and others shower us with their outpouring of love and support. I have felt God's love and goodness empower me in times of trials. I have gained strength I didn't knew existed. I know I have changed, and not only do I feel more faithful, but I also feel more charitable, more mature, more humbled. I have had the help and support of a wonderful husband, and I feel even more bound to him than ever before.

Because of the situation we have with Evelyn, our lives have changed. But, this still is a year of celebrations:

• I celebrated my birthday in a hospital, but was also able to go home and spend the evening with 4 boys that doted on me
• My baby was put in a place and situation that ultimately saved her life. How easily her breathing could have gotten worse at home, where intervention would not have been available
• My baby has been gaining weight and is looking more healthy
• My babies have/will be turning 9, 8, 6, 5, and1 year(s) old
• We have another baby joining our family
• Roger will be getting baptized

Instead of going on a romantic getaway in a tropical paradise, Todd and I are driving down to Columbus for the day to spend some time at the Lord's temple on a day-long date. And it is going to be great.

Ten years ago today, we got married in the Nauvoo, Illinois Temple.

I am so grateful that I married Todd. When I married him, I didn't realize what a great guy he was, I mean he was nice, but I had made a habit of dating nice guys. It is only when you are married and have to go through the mundanes of everyday life (especially with kids) and go through trials together that you really get a good look at one another's character, and I will say, I got a good one.

Todd is my best friend. I love talking to him, I love laughing with him, I love hanging out with him. I really enjoy being around him. My only wish is that I got to spend more time with him. He has a lot of responsibilities and pressures with work, church, the kids, and community that unfortunately there are times I don't get to see very much of him. The one thing that makes this better is that Todd is a great connector. When he is home, he is home. He talks and connects with me and with the kids. I realize this is a blessing that God gave him (and me) so that he would be able to fulfill all his roles and responsibilities.

Todd is a great dad. He has so much love and concern for our little Princess, wanting what is best for her and often sacrificing to make it happen. He is a great leader for our boys. He has great Gospel discussions with them, and will also go on their level and talk about "inappropriate" things like potty talk. (Why is this so cool to boys?!). He is coaching Grant's soccer team of 4-5 year olds. One mom, not realizing that Todd was my husband, said to me, "Don't you just love Coach Todd? He plays with the kids so well".  He treats our boys like they are his buddies, his peers, all while maintaining his authority as their father.

Todd is hilarious. I don't know where he gets some of the stuff he says, but it is pretty funny. He and I have many inside jokes, and I love it for it makes me feel even more connected to him. Together we have a way of taking our trials and hard times and finding the irony of it, and laughing about it, for honestly, if you don't laugh, you'll cry.

I have never known anyone that sincerely likes everyone as much as Todd does. He loves people, always wanting to help them, talk to them, hang out with them. He is also very sensitive towards them. If there is someone having a rough time, he wants to help. He is even willing to do the ultimate- take care of the kids so that I can go comfort a friend in need.

Not only is Todd very sensitive towards other people, he is very sensitive toward me and our kids. He is always trying to think of ways that we can help our kids, teach them something, show them love in a different way. He is sensitive of my feelings and how I am managing things. He is willing to listen to me and wants to help in any way he can.

The last ten years have been amazing. They have been hard, a lot of hard days, a lot of long hours away from eachother, each fulfilling our roles. But we have also had some great times. We have done some incredible things and had great experiences. We have lived our lives as we have wanted. We work well together, we have the same hopes and desires.

A couple of months ago Todd asked me if I would have made a different choice if 10 years ago someone would have told me how hard our life would be. I teased Todd that I was meant to do hard things, but rather it was him who was the "softee". All joking aside though, I would have made the decision again. Marrying Todd has been the best decision I have ever made. It has shaped who I have become and how my life is going. I love him so much and am so incredibly grateful for him.

I love you Todd.