Beauty

I have noticed some differences between my girls. There are the obvious: different head sizes, Iralee is a silent breather, Iralee is less floppy, etc. But I have even noticed some differences with what I do.
Iralee has not worn pajamas a handful of times. Some days she wears the same pajamas during the day and during the night. Yes, I think the dresses are super cute, but for one, the seasons are a little off (Evelyn was born in the middle of the summer, Iralee at the beginning of fall), and two I just imagine the pajamas to be more comfortable.

The other day I realized that I hardly ever have a bow on Iralee's head. This started having me ask myself why it is that with Evelyn I had a bow and a dress (or really cute outfit) on her every day; whereas with Iralee I have embraced the pajama look. Is it that Evelyn was my first girl? Is it that I am too tired and overwhelmed than to worry about a silly bow? Or is it something else?
With further self-reflection I have determined it is most likely attributed to something else. I love dressing up my girls, it's almost like having dolls, but I do think that I work harder at dressing up Evee. I think that subconciously I am trying to compensate for something.
What is that thing I am trying to compensate for exactly? I am not totally sure, but I know it has something to do with my hatred of the word "dysmorphic".
 I feel that Evelyn is incredibly beautiful and wonderful (I almost feel badly for other babies for they don't get her same natural beauty). But the truth is that I realize that Evee looks different. I don't always see it. She is Evee to me, but I am aware that she has a different look.
When I am honest with myself, I see that I was focused on dressing Evee up so that others would be willing to see the beauty that is Evee and not be amprehensive because she looks differently.
But why was/am I so protective? People can see Evee's beauty with or without a bow.
Case in point.
Evee had an EEG. An EEG is a test they do on the brain. This test requires many probes to be glued to your head and you are monitored for some time.
After the EEG, Evelyn got the probes taken off, but there was remaining glue here or there, and her hair was a crazy mess. It was obviously a no-bow-day.
After the appointment was all over, I took Evee (and Iralee in the stroller) down to the hospital cafeteria area for I had skipped breakfast and was just getting a late lunch. The cafeteria was a mad house, and being by myself with a double stroller, I felt as though I was in the way, a nuisence. After getting my food, I manuvered the stroller (with one hand, the other holding the tray) to a corner booth, out of the way. There I ate my food while feeding Evee hers and nursing Iralee before our ride home.
A cafeteria employee came to the nearby trash can and was emptying it when he happened to look over at Evee, who was looking back at him. He made a little "oh" sound. He and Evee silently communicated for about 15 seconds. Not wanting the man to feel obligated to say something nice to me, and also being very much involved with feeding myself and Iralee, I more watched this exchange with the corner of my eye.
The man finished getting the trash bag switched, then before leaving, turned to me and said, "M'am, she sure is a beautiful girl".
I was so grateful for this man's kind words, ones that I felt were sincere. Ones that I felt were in awe.
I remember reading an article about advice for people by parents of Special Needs children. One of the points was to compliment the child. I have to say that I agree with the statement. I am not asking people to lie to me, or to just be nice. For me it is the act of appreciating my daughter for who she is, for seeing her as a person. It is accepting and showing support of bringing her around in public (whole other topic there), it is re-itterating that you see value in something that I see incredible value in.
I know a lot of this may sound different, and believe me, before Evee I would have thought differently. But having a SN child does change you. It is hard. It can be difficult. But it is also creates an amazingly beautiful life and situation.
I was grateful for the man's kind notice and compliments of my daughter. I am grateful every time someone else expresses love for my girl. It excites me for I then know that they see what I see.
I really should not be concerned. There have been so many people that have shown love towards Evee. And regardless of them, Evee gets so much love, attention, and acceptance in my home that it could be enough for anyone. Evee does have a super power - that of getting people to fall in love with her.
Last night, while there were many of us eating dinner and having cake (yes, cake was out) there remained 6-7 kids unfazed by the cake but totally engrossed in Evee.

She has a gift, she is a gift, and she is beautiful.