Pray for Your Little Ones

Today in church, the teacher was talking about prayer. As a side note, not necessarily the focus of the lesson, he said, "Never underestimate the prayer of a mother for her child".

That really hit a string with me. It made me wonder if I am praying earnestly enough. Do I have enough faith in my prayers? Am I being mindful enough of what I am praying for concerning my children?

I have never been a patient person. I have always been wanting what I want, and now. It has been a source of frustration in my life as I have had to deal with the waiting and being patient with things, activities, people, and myself.

I had never been patient, that is, until I became a mother.

I was always very nervous about how I would be as a mother, knowing that patience is needed with children. I knew that I needed it in order to teach them well and treat them as I should.
Soon after having Mikey, I prayed and prayed for patience.

For many years I was the only one offering a prayer before meals for the only other options were not able or capable of saying prayers. I made my prayers more simple so that my young children may understand them easier. But one thing I never forgot to mention was asking for patience for myself. I was surprised that asking for "Mommy to have more patience" was not something that my toddlers later said.

I was amazed at the patience I was able to have while raising my babies and toddlers. How many times did I wipe up spilled milk off of the floor? How many times did I have to deal with messes and gross bodily outputs? Though I was (and am) no where near perfect, I was/am very pleased with how much patience I was able to have. I did work hard on it, but not nearly enough for how much I succeeded and felt. I know that it was because of those prayers, in the behalf of my children. I was able to find patience in working and serving my children.

I know that the prayers of a mother on the behalf of her children can be powerful.

But that statement made me think of another thing as well.

We recently had spent an evening with some people important to Todd. Todd was very frustrated with how the boys had behaved during our visit. Honestly, I did not find their behavior unacceptable, but I did understand that Todd was wanting to give a good impression and had set high standards.

As I knelt down to say my prayers, I was hit with another realization. When we pray, we realize and recognize what is truly important. How many times have I prayed that my boys would be "less annoying", or that they would "not embarrass me", or that they would be the "best soccer player". Never. And why is that? Because that stuff is NOT important.

As a parent, you want what's best for your child. Sure, you want them to give a good impression, you want them to excel in sports, you want them to get A's in their classes, but that is not what you want most. You want them to be healthy and safe. You want them to build character. You want them to be honest and good people.

Then why do we invest so much of our time and energy into that which is desired, yet not as important? We get so concerned about our child's acceptance by others that we forget to show acceptance of them. Then in the guise of not wanting to break our children, or show disappointment in them, we will not reprimand bad choices. We will allow them to get away with doing something wrong, but will harshly punish them when they make a poor choice, one that is more socially unacceptable than it is wrong. And what is our punishment to them? Withholding our acceptance of them.
 
We do this because, to some degree, we are all seeking social acceptance. Unfortunately, at times it comes at the sacrifice of not being more mindful of those we love most.

There is not much I hate more than when I hear a mother talk negatively about her child, especially in front of her child. For example, I have a friend who will call her daughter "evil". Does this daughter misbehave? Do I have no desire to babysit this girl? Yes. But there are better things a mother can do than to call her evil. Instead of just talking about how bad this girl's behavior is, do something about it. Put her in the corner, give her a real consequence. Or even ignore the behavior. But telling people how awful her daughter is can more detrimental than anything. Address the behavior. Do not throw the baby out with the bathwater by putting a label on your child, a label she hears you give her. She will come to believe that this is who she is and that you expect nothing more.
 I am guessing that the mother says the daughter is evil in order for her to get across to me, or whoever else is present, that she does not find that the daughter's behavior is acceptable. But therein lies the biggest problem. This mother is now more concerned about how other people think of her as a mother rather than being concerned about how her daughter sees herself.
I am not saying we need to be in denial of our children's misbehaviors, but I do think it is more beneficial to our children if they feel that we approve of them, that we accept them, that we love them.
When we pray for our little ones, we do not pray that we will appear as good parents, but rather we pray that we will be good parents. We pray that our children will make good choices, not that we won't be embarrassed by their actions.
I am going to try to be more mindful of what I am praying for and act accordingly. I am so grateful to have these precious children in my life and I want to show them that I feel that way.