Backfire

We've had a problem with Roger lately.
He is becoming very defiant.

If I ask him to do something, or not to do something he answers me in a very defiant tone saying something like, "Then I'll just kick your wall" or something of the sort. Of course he gets his punishment, which is usually standing in a corner, but because he will punch the wall while standing there he will be moved to the backdoor step, which can be very cold.

After he cools down, I discuss the problem with him, and he is aware that his behavior is unacceptable, but just isn't sure of how to cure it. He once told me this, "I just get worst."

The other evening Todd was working and I, having taken care of my children all day, had the task of putting them to bed. Roger hadn't wanted to go to bed and posed a challenge with each step. I finally sent him to sleep in "Nae's bed" while I finished story time with the other children. To this there was much screaming, throwing himself to the floor, banging on the walls, and kicking the floor.

I was livid. He was pushing the boundaries just a little too much. I went into the room and threw open the door. I wasn't sure of what I was going to do until I remembered that just that morning, my friend's tactic of putting some hot sauce on her children's tongue had been brought up.

I carried Roger into the kitchen, grabbed Tabasco sauce from the fridge and in a very firm voice instructed Roger to open his mouth. He did obediently and I shook some of the Tabasco sauce into his mouth. It had been awhile since I myself had used Tabasco sauce, and in that moment I couldn't remember if it was very hot or not, so ya, I put in quite a few drops because his face hadn't changed from when I dropped the first of it in. When I turned to return the Tabasco sauce into the fridge, I whipped a drop off of the top and placed it on my tongue to inspect the hotness. Oh, man, ya, it was definitely hot enough.

I sent Roger to the corner before I was going to allow him a drink to relieve the hotness. He started coughing, but I was too upset to care. Then all of the sudden Roger puked all of his dinner, and some of lunch, onto my walls.

I was shocked. but then I remembered that when I was about his age I had thrown up (due to illness) on the living room floor and my mom was so upset that I didn't make it into the toilet (I didn't know it was expected) that she gave me a coffee mug and a tablespoon to clean i up. So of course since this has left such an impression on my little kid mind I did the mature thing and gave Roger a mug, a spoon, and a rag.

Let's just say he wasn't very effective in his cleaning. I ended up cleaning it all because he lied around asking me questions. "Mom.... I want to tell you a question. Why...." and on and on he went. I tried to stay firm but soon he kept saying, "I love you so much"

Wow! Not only had I caused him to loose all his dinner, but was also making him clean it up, yet he was so forgiving and loving.

Well, Roger still has the problem of being very defiant and throwing tantrums (threw one at the eye doctor's today....so badly that another patient started yelling at him to do it somewhere else - but all I could think was that at least Roger had the excuse of being a 4 year-old for his acting like one). I'm trying to curb this behavior without breaking his spirit. I'm not totally sure of what to do, and I haven't thrown the Tabasco sauce out the window. Now it's a good threat and when I do deliver on my threat, it's just a small, small drop that is placed on his tongue.