Pre-Race

After being up all night attending to William's every whimper and request, at 2 AM Todd demanded that I go to sleep somewhere else for I needed to be up by 4 for the Ironman. I insisted that I was not going to do the race, for how could I when my baby was injured. Todd put his foot down and told me that I needed to do the race, I had trained too hard, too long to just not do it.

Todd pointed out that there wasn't anything that I could do for William, so there was no sense in my staying anyway. I told him that I didn't want to ditch William, I wanted to be there for when he called out for me, and to top it off, my heart just wasn't in the race anymore, it seemed stupid, over-dramatized. Todd made an agreement with me that he would stay at least two inches from William's side rather than come and support me at the race, he would respond to every call, cry, whimper William made, and that he was better equipped to help William. I finally agreed, but I did tell him that if at any time William was calling for me and couldn't be comforted he was to get word to me and I would drop out. I also insisted that when I woke up two hours later, if I didn't feel good about doing the race, that I wouldn't do it.

After almost two hours of sleep, I was still tired. My adrenaline was pretty much squandered from the evening's events. But I felt okay about doing the race, I didn't have a pit in my stomach to not do it, so I got dressed and ready to go. William woke up a couple of times before I left, and each time I asked him if it would be okay for me to go do the Ironman race. Each time he would nod his head and say yes, so I felt better about going.

Todd gave me a big hug and kiss and wished me luck, I was going to need it. I wasn't focused on the race at all, I knew that I would have a hard time finishing it, but I felt like I at least needed to try. Todd gave me a blessing, in which he urged me to use the time to have inspiring thoughts. Okay, that at least made me feel like maybe there was a purpose in me racing.

The "group" that I train with in Utah came and picked me up. Our group includes (pictured L to R) Sunny, Carol's husband Jeff, Carol, me, and Chris. Carol did the St. George Ironman last year and was single-handedly responsible for all of the rest of us signing up for the race. She has a way of making you feel like you are so strong and fit, and hey, a 100-miler, an Ironman...you can do it! Even though I joke around saying how I need to avoid her, I'm actually really grateful for her. She has helped me believe in myself, helped me to push myself farther and faster than I ever thought possible. Plus she homeschools and homebirthed, so it is so awesome getting some advice from her and to take notice of her techniques.

Jeff is a social bug and is hilarious. There are not many people that meet Jeff and don't immediately like him. He makes everyone/anyone feel like his best friend and he is so comfortable with who he is that he doesn't put up any image and will willingly admit to his weaknesses and how he can never keep up with his wife. After supporting Carol with doing the Ironman last year, he signed himself up to do it this year. You would think that it would be an awesome opportunity for Jeff and Carol to train together, but besides biking, Carol can't stand training with Jeff, they're just physically on two different playing fields, plus Carol enjoys the hardness in training, Jeff enjoys the fun in training.

Because Jeff knew that Carol wouldn't train with him, yet he still needed Carol to do the Ironman this year, he convinced Carol's running friend, Chris, to sign up for the Ironman. Chris did the Ironman with Carol last year, but since he too likes a good, brutal beating, he was game. Chris is a fifty-something guy with quite the stories. He is hilarious, kind, and very humble. He started running years and years ago, I think before I was born, and is a very strong runner. He did the 100 miler with us. He also is a chiropractor, which he has had to use his methods on all of us at one point or another. He loves being concerned about nutrition and is always trying out something new, not usually a product of some sort, but a concoction that he made at home. We refer to him as the witch doctor.

Sunny has been living in Las Vegas for the last 20 years. This last year she moved to Toquerville with her many many kids. She has always been very fit and active, running most of her adult life, but she was always more fit than any of her friends in Vegas. Many of her friends found her running to be extreme, Sunny felt a little abnormal, a little unchallenged, until she met Carol. Sunny is a very strong, easy going, enjoyable person, I don't think she has ever gotten very angry, for she seams to be too patient and calm. She did a lot of training with Chris and Carol, but was not going to do the Ironman. But then, two weeks before the race, Carol convinced Sunny that she should sign up. One, Sunny was trained enough for it, and two, since St. George Ironman is known to be a tough, tough course, all the slots weren't filled up (something you wouldn't find at any other Ironman).

The group has helped me in so many ways. Carol with her tough, you can do anything attitude, inspiring us all. Jeff with his comic relief has calmed me and many people. Chris with his example of just keep trudging along, his thoughts and plans of how "easy" it is to do an Ironman for once you get the swim and bike done, you "just' have to finish the run. And Sunny saved me for the swim.

If you're a swimmer, you know that there is a huge difference between open-water swimming and pool swimming. In the pool the conditions are controlled, everyone stays in their lanes, there are lines on the bottom to keep you going the right way and something to focus on, and there are lifeguards to dive in at a moments notice should you have a cramp and start sinking. In open-water swimming the conditions are dependant of the weather, the water is usually cold, there are waves and currants, when swimming with others you can easily bump into one another, you can easily go in the wrong direction, you cannot see anything under the water except maybe bubbles and anything that is a foot from your face, there can be mysterious creatures under you somewhere (I try to not think of that one, but it does come into my mind), and should you have trouble, you better hope that you can swim to shore for you may drown.

I hadn't done any open-water swim since I did the Half-Ironman last summer, so a week before the race, Sunny, Carol and I went to Sand Hollow. We walked into the freezing water, while I tried to stay focused. I glided into the water and did a couple of strokes. I was instantly surprised with how well I was doing, but then the land dropped from underneath me and all I saw was darkness.

I started hyper-ventilating. This was going to be tough, I couldn't catch my breath, I couldn't relax. I looked over and saw Sunny treading water, looking at me. She could tell that I was having trouble, and just having conquered the open swim herself the week before, she guided me through it. We did short distances from the shallow waters to the deep water and back, and she stayed within 6 feet of me the entire time. By time we were done, I was able to focus and swim more naturally. I felt much more confident, relaxed, grateful.

When the group picked me up to go to the race, Chris asked how my night was. I told them about what happened to William, which put a damper on everyone's spirits. They were all very sympathetic and also supportive of me doing the race. They were much more convinced that I was doing the right thing by going through with the race than I was, but some of their comments did help.

We got to St. George, to the finish line, handed in our special needs bags (filled with things we would need halfway through the bike and run) and loaded up on a bus that would take us out to Sand Hollow Reservoir. Usually at this point of a race, I have butterflies in my stomach, I am feeling jolly and nervous at the same time. It's quite fun and exciting to be with all of these fellow athletes. Everyone is wondering what the day ahead has for them, hoping for a PR, a finish, a good time, and not a DNF (Did Not Finish). There were no butterflies in my stomach, I did not feel nervous, I was not thinking about the course ahead. My thoughts were on William, my heart was with him, not on the race.

Once at Sand Hollow we followed the mass of athletes in the dark morning towards the one place all athletes have to visit before a race, the port-a-potty. The line was long, very long. The air was filled with the pre-race jitters as the sun was starting to rise. While waiting in line I spotted John Tanner, he use to be my home teacher in my singles' ward at BYU. He also happened to have served in the same mission as Todd and when I was dating Todd, John would praise Todd, saying how impressed he was with him and his hard work and cheerful attitude. John graduated from BYU a year before Todd and I did and went to medical school at Ohio State (even though he was from California). I found out then that he was finishing up a residency in Emergency Medicine and that this was his first Ironman. Small World!

After our pre-race BM, we got into our wetsuits. My boys say that I am like a dolphin when I wear my wetsuit, for it feels like dolphin skin. I like it because it makes you a little warmer, gives you some buoyancy, and makes you feel as though your are being hugged tightly. After getting suited up, we walked towards the start.

I no longer had any shoes on and the asphalt hurt my feet. Each step was a little uncomfortable. All I could think about was that less than 12 hours earlier my baby had slid on asphalt. I could not complain.

Sunny's husband met up with us to tell us good luck. I was happy to see him, mostly because he had a phone. I used it to call my mom to check up on William. She reported that he was doing great, that Todd had everything under control and William was being well taken care of. That calmed my heart.

The professional athletes - surprise I am not one, my number was 97 and a lot of the people thought that the numbers 1-100 were reserved for the professionals, so I was actually mistaken for a professional athlete several times - started the race which meant we had 15 minutes to the start of the race. We started moving towards the corrals.

When in the corrals we shuffled our feet and were herded towards the water. I squeezed Sunny's hand in anticipation, this was it! I saw ahead someone was holding up a sign that read "Go Loni and Jeff", I looked back at Jeff and told him someone was cheering for us - too bad it really wasn't for us.

We were herded down the ramp until finally our feet were in the water. I was shocked with how perfect the water was, it wasn't too cold and was incredibly calm. As we waded up to our calves, Carol told us to swim and meet over at the "Ford" sign, where we would all be able to start together. I swam over there without any problems and felt that maybe I would be able to do this swim without too much trouble.

Once at the sign, though, I couldn't find anyone from our group. This really isn't surprising since everyone looks the same with goggles, wetsuits, and matching swim caps. I tried to not focus too much on finding them since I didn't want to freak myself out. It really didn't matter since once the race started I wouldn't be able to stick with anyone let alone find anyone. The start was where we were all going on our own way, doing our own race.

I looked around at the many people around me, all of us treading water. It was quite a moment to behold. Everyone waiting and anticipating for the cannon to go off. All of these people hoping that they can accomplish what they had come out to accomplish. Everyone trying to calm their nerves, focus on the task ahead. All of these people that had trained so hard both physically and emotionally, ready to test themselves.

The announcer called for our attention, then counted down.

3-2-1............ the cannon went off.