War is Over

This afternoon as I was getting ready to leave the community's rec center I put William's coat on him. For some reason, sometimes he will refuse to wear his coat, but it is way too cold for him to go without, and he is way too skinny for his fat to keep him warm, so I forced it on him. He started screaming and quit walking, so I had to carry him to the car. Once in the car, I told him that it wasn't nice to behave that way and that he needed to say sorry to Mommy.

Two minutes later we got home. He was the last child to exit the car, but before I let him out I asked him to apologize to me. He refused. He bowed his head, shifted his eyes up and to the side. He was not going to say "sorry". After talking to him for a couple of minutes, asking him to apologize, I shut the door to the car and left him in there for a few minutes, hoping that he would come to his senses I came back.

Total refusal again. I couldn't believe it. So, I left him in again. I came back and again he refused. This went on for at least 45 minutes, with me going out there every couple of minutes. He was being stubborn.

Now, I know that some of you are thinking that I was holding too high of expectations, that William probably didn't know what was expected of him, and I understand this for Todd had thought the same thing, until he saw it for himself. William knew exactly what he was doing, the kid is not stupid.

After going to the car and back, I did what is considered our ultimate punishment. It is a technique that I actually learned from a psychologist and we rarely ever use it because once it is performed, the child only has to hear it mentioned for them to shape up. It is giving the child a cold shower.

I took William up to the bathroom and turned the shower on him. I only have my kids in the cold shower for 10-15 seconds, but usually they are very quick to learn. After spraying him with water, I expected William to come to his senses. Oh, no, he would not. He cried, but once I asked him to say "sorry", he glared at me and refused. I put him back in the shower several times, but he still refused. I had never seen such stubbornness before. I finally quit doing the shower because despite his entire little body shivering, he was not budging.

I wrapped him up in a towel and held him close to me. I kissed on him and told him that I loved him, but that I also expected him to apologize. Of course he still refused. He was tired so I took him to his bed and informed him that he would not be leaving his room until he apologized.

He took a nice long nap. When he woke up, I went up to him, hugged him, kissed him, asked him what he dreamt about, and told him that we missed him. Then I told him that I still expected him to apologize to me. He refused, and after trying to persuade him, he still held his ground.

For the next hour and half Todd and I took turns going up to his room every several minutes to ask him to apologize. I couldn't believe how much he refused. I knew he could hear the boys playing downstairs, having fun, but still he wouldn't budge.

I didn't know what to do. In most ways I had created this mess because I have been quite soft on him. He just smiles at me and I give him his way, but it hasn't been good for him. He needs to know his boundaries, and keep them.

While the family was sitting up, getting ready to eat, I went upstairs to try talking to William. Unknown to me, the boys prayed that William would say sorry, and I appeared shortly afterwards with William. He had finally done it. He said "sorry". I was so proud because I knew how difficult it was for him (and relieved, I didn't know how long he would hold this out). We all praised him and thanked him for apologizing. The rest of dinner we were all relieved to have that over and done with.

It's so funny how different kids are. I did not fully understand the stubbornness of William and how far he would take it until today. Then there's Mikey. Whenever he disobeys, after he stands in the corner, apologizes and gives a hug, he then cries all because he is upset that he misbehaved and wasn't perfect. Roger insists that I appologize for sending him to the corner.

Discipline is not fun, but I once heard, and agree with, this saying:
If you don't discipline your kids, the world will and it definitely will not be as loving